I was listening to the TED talk ‘This could be why you're depressed or anxious’ by the journalist Johann Hari.
He narrated a story that fascinated me.
It was about how a lady named Lisa overcame depression.
Lisa was someone who suffered from depression and anxiety for 7 years. She then went to one doctor who not only prescribed medication but also prescribed her to come to the centre twice a week.
In the centre, she would meet other depressed and anxious people, but NOT to vent her feelings. It was to do something meaningful with the other depressed people.
What she and the other depressed people in the centre decided to do, was to transform a scrubland nearby, into a beautiful garden. They were all in the activity, working together, reading books on gardening, checking YouTube tutorials, and so on.
After some time the scrubland turned into a pretty garden.
Now the once depressed people were no longer depressed, they were instead flourishing along with the garden.
Why were they flourishing?
It’s because now they were part of a group, and when one person was not there they checked on each other; It's a psychological need for us to have a place ‘we belong’.
Having a close group of people or deep relationships is one of the biggest contributors to our happiness, and even health!
After all, If I were to ask you— what is one of the biggest human features which has helped us survive as a species?
I would say it's our ability to live in communities and groups. This is what enabled us to hunt animals which bigger, faster, stronger, and scarier than us.
“Just like bees evolved to live in a hive, humans have evolved to live in a tribe”- Johann Hari
In the wild, our ancestors lived in dangerous and harsh environments. They were surrounded by predators which were stronger, faster and more powerful than them.
The only reason they survived was because of their circle of safety/trust. While one slept, the other would keep on watch. They would all come together to jump on big animals.
We are meant to have a group of safety.
Army men treat each other like family because they literally trust each other with their lives.
On a smaller level, the group feeling explains my favourite gaming moments. It’s those when I’m in scary places, like Minecraft nether where there are monsters out to kill us, but we have to protect each other.
However sadly we are more lonely than ever, and loneliness is causing many people to feel unhappy. We are more individual and less as a part of a group.
A study shows 39% of Americans feel they are no longer close to anyone.
In the past, we could only survive by sharing and cooperating with one another. Now we still do depend on one another but in indirect and abstract ways.
Sometimes the groups which have the least resources, but share the most have the strongest sense of community. Sadly the people who have more are the ones who build the most sophisticated gates around their houses and resources.
There is the lone-wolf mentality, which sounds cool, and Sigma and all of that. It makes us feel greater than others because we are progressing and going above the people near us.
However, we progress much further when in a group rather than alone. I’ll give you the example of Mr. Beast, who’s currently the biggest YouTuber out there.
He used to spend hours upon hours, analyzing videos, and of course, trying to make better videos.
However he was not doing it all alone, he was doing it with a few other obsessed people, who were analyzing videos, learning, and failing with him, this led to accelerated learning
How?
This is because when four people make four different mistakes and then they learn from each other, mistakes aren’t repeated, making the learning process is 4x faster.
Being the humans we are, it's tempting to want to learn about the ‘secrets’ and just keep them to ourselves so we feel we are greater than our peers.
But in the long term, if we help our friends get better they will reciprocate and help back and it will raise the value of the group as a whole, which is more valuable in the long term.
As we share ideas with one another, we come up with better ideas as a whole.
Gazelles stay in a group, and if one of them senses danger and runs away, all of the other gazelles run too, even if they don’t see the danger. This group strategy can help them escape ruthless predators.
After all, “Two planks can hold greater weight, than just the sum of the weight each of the planks can hold individually.”
One of the things addicts and alcoholics have to do in giving up their addiction is to help other addicts. Yes making them help other people, helps them overcome their addiction.
We are meant to have a close circle, where we help each other, and let other people help us (The second part might sometimes be harder for some people).
Sport is a thing, which many people are crazy over watching. (May it football, cricket or basketball. )
A part of this craze is not just because of watching the game in itself, but the community around it. Many people get into the habit of watching sports, just because people around them do it.
They can discuss match scores with their peers or friends the next day, they have something which makes them feel like they are part of a community.
The group feeling is the reason:
Why people like screaming together in crowds
Or why people would like to go to a concert instead of listening to the same song on their headphones at home.
Or even why people living in a slum might smile even in hardship.
Or why people might end up joining a cult.
A lot of the hype around these things above(the cult, concert, and crowd) is just the sense of unity, connection or being a part of a group.
We feel happier when we are a part of something bigger than ourselves.
This desire to be in a group is something we should give attention to and do things together with other people, but also be careful of this, because this desire is what cult leaders can do to exploit lonely depressed people.
This desire is what drives us to do bad things like if all of our friends are drunkards, chances are you will be one too.
All in all the reason for writing this article is to give importance to friends and community, to do more things together, and show relationships are important for happiness, health, and even productivity.
Also to be aware of the problem of loneliness and how it can ruin us.
Thanks for reading :)